I felt a little better, but my mind was filled with questions, anger and doubt. After I climbed into bed, my brother started to climb into the upper berth."Aren't you going to sleep with me?" I asked."Do you think that's a good idea, Jen?" I want you to do it to me, Eddie, I want you to fuck me."Eddie sat on the edge of the bed, put his hand on my side and slowly rubbed me. He looked into my eyes and shook his head."No, Jen. You're pissed at Mom and Dad and you want to do it out of spite. I won't do it; when we make love it will be because we want to, not to try and get even. If we did it tonight, we'd both hate ourselves."I started to cry and said, "Why not, it's not like they care what we do." You know damn well that's not true. Mom and Dad didn't say that." It's what it sounded like to me. They said they weren't going to ask about what we do, that means they don't care." I think it means they trust us, Jen. I think they feel we won't do anything we shouldn't do so it isn't. “I am a lesbian, okay. I like girls. God, please stop bothering me.” I got up and felt their eyes on my back, but at least they wouldn’t continue bugging me. Or so I thought.I wasn’t a lesbian; I only said it to stop their questions. It was a huge mistake. The following day, my parents had a sit down with me in the living room. “Carla, your father and I want to talk to you about the way you feel about women,” said my mother. Before I had a chance to speak my father said, “We understand that at your age, sexuality might be confusing. All we are saying is that we don’t want you to make any harsh decisions right now.” I sighed. “Mom, Dad, I am perfectly happy the way I am. If there is any change, you will be the first to know.”Three weeks later, they still continued to ask about my sexuality, but I ignored them. They had told Luke and he seemed fine with his stepsister being a lesbian. At least he didn’t say anything to me about it. He continued to visit Ellie as much as he could and I.
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